Super-long Introduction of DOOM

So. A few weeks ago, my editors asked me if I’d like to run down the street naked. Okay, not really (which is good, because nobody wants to see that. Ever.) But they did ask me if I wanted to write a blog about my perspective on motherhood and family, and if that sort of soul-baring isn’t tantamount to streaking in, say, Fayette Mall, I don’t know what is. (Ah, but that brings back the memories).

But I digress. The Mother Tongue will be a hodgepodge of personal anecdotes (think Merlene Davis, but with, like, 300% more toddler poop); discussion of issues pertinent to women, parents and families; children’s book reviews; and a little geekiness on the side. If reading about gross toddler behavior and byproducts, lactating ta-tas, or general PG-13 content gives you the vapors, then Gentle Reader, I humbly suggest you make use of Ye Olde Backspace button, because this is surely not the blog for you.

So who is this blog for? Well, let’s be honest, parenthood is a tough gig, and we need all the support we can get. Even if you have a vast network of friends and family nearby, it can be hard to ask for help. After all, you don’t want your parents to think you’re incompetent if you even have to ask them how best to remove tempera paints from one more household surface.

But! In this blog nobody knows y’all from Ethel, so feel free to come here and rant, discuss, ask questions of each other, find links to other parenting blogs, or just plain have fun. No pressure, just support. Kind of like an 18-hour bra. And if you don’t have kids or a spouse, never plan to, you’re still welcome here — my life isn’t 100% OMG the babies, and neither will this blog be.

A little bit about me: I’ve been married almost seven years to my hawt boyo, hereafter referred to as The Drummer (you’ll never guess what his hobby is). Our son, aka The Sprog, will be three in April, and is of course the sweetest, smartest, most breathtakingly beautiful child ever to voluntarily give all his toys to charity (What did you expect me to say? “He’s a dull-witted, tiresome little troll who runs into walls a lot and beats up Girl Scouts” is just not the done thing.)

Rounding out our household is PJ, an elderly Jack Russell with a Napoleon complex who freebases Red Bull when we’re all asleep.

I’m a lifelong resident of Lexington (with roots in Harlan County), and in my spare time I enjoy … HAHAHHAAHHAAAAA. Wait, seriously? There’s spare time? For real?

I’ve worked at the Herald-Leader for four years as a news assistant, compiling stocks and arts listings, writing book reviews and random articles, and whatever else that needs doing. If you recognize me at all, it’s probably because of the nerdiest freaking photo ever run in this newspaper, which featured me wearing Harry Potter glasses, plastered larger-than-life over my review of The Half-Blood Prince.

Yeah, let’s just get that one out into the open: I’m a total geek. I don’t speak Klingon or anything, but I do have my moments of geekitude. Besides, sometimes it pays: the paper totally comped my book for doing the Harry Potter review, and that is made of win.

Okay, so I’ve done some arts stuff, but what qualifies me to do a mommy blog? I’d like to think it’s because the higher-ups think I’m a special little snowflake with scads of talent as a blogger, but more likely, it’s because I’m just shameless enough to tell you all the really juicy stuff. And also because I might possibly have in my possession highly-incriminating long-lens photos of certain editors. Haha, just kidding! But seriously, if anything ever happens to me, I have a strong box at Central Bank. I’m just sayin’.